Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
