I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
