I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
