We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
