Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We need a shit load of segways right now
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
