Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
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I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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