genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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