I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
