Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize