1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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