No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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