you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
