Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize