I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
