She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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