He asked me if I "almost moaned"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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