Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
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I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
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Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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