All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
