wat bout pragnant strippers??
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize