She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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