WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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