just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
