mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
