apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
how drunk are you?
Several
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
