Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
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Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
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It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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