Need sex. Gaining weight.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
