Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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