my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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