I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
