i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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