Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
