All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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