It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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