dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
