Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
