I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
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I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
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You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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