Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize