I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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