I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
