I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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