Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We talked him into tasing himself.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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