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apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There r osticjed everywhere
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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