I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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