PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
