It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
