His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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