I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
is it fun? or sober?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
