peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
