I'm going to jail i love you
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
