Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
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I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
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You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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