i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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