I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
