On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
