She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
