You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Of course I have a pirate flag
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
