my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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