and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
