I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
