oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
