i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
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