If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
