he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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