At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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