So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
