There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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