Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
