I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think i peed on brittanys purse
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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