I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
