It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
