I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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