Just mADE A PArabola og urine
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
