you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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